I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
