hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Redeem this text for a blowjob
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Randomize
