He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize