She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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