I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
