I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
