I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
