I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
