she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
