I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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