We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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