I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are two peas in an std pod
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
jump out the window naked night went bad
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