No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
