I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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