Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
