Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
