If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Vodka?
Forever.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
