Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
soo... how was my night?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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