i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
