i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
