i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
