I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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