they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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