I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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