mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
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literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
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He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
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