just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
