I'm really into asian looking animals
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
