My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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