Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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