I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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