Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
no you cant smoke seaweed
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
