She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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