I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
