I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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