this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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