Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
