i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
