omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
