you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
