i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
