only if we run a train.
done.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
He felt like a one man threesome
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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