your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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