ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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