The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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