marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Quick, to the slutcave!
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
