i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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