i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize