So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Randomize
