I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
