These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
