I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
