Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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