Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
