So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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