you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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