pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize