and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
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YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
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Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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