okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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