She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
