she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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