my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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