My boss' voice literally gives me gas
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
