I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
