He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
