So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
