I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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