I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
