my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
