did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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