I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
