Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
there is glitter all over my balls
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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