Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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