this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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