I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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