My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Can Purell be used as lube?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
