Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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