it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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