Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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