Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
