i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
