Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I think I just sharted jello shots
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